"I try to find meaning anywhere I can. It’s the only way I know how to validate my existence."
-Tiffanie DeBartolo (via splitterherzen)
I wanted to tell you that I was always alone,
I am alone because conversations are embarrassing. Why can the words form in my head but not in my mouth? I am alone.
On a road trip with my father, where the car ride was silent for five hours straight, we parked at a resting spot. And when I was sitting at a table by myself, locking eyes with people who were distancing themselves just as well as I was, an older lady came up to me and asked, “Darling, are you alone?” I responded with a, “No, I am waiting for my father,” because truthfully, I was waiting for him. But it wouldn’t have made a difference, if my father was there or not, if she had sat down and kept me company until he returned, if I was not waiting for anyone at all. Because I was alone. In the center of myself I was alone. Always."
-Alessia Di Cesare, This Is Just A Ramble Because I Can’t Write Poetry Very Well Right Now (via featherumbrellas)
"I will always love the false image I had of you."
"1. Your blood is on my bed spread. I can’t bring myself to find the bleach.
2. I made myself order something other than white rice tonight. Taste brought me to tears once again.
3. Regardless of the love we share, it’s very hard to let you touch me.
4. I chose this breed of paralysis.
5. I had been teaching myself How Not To Need for 19 years. This is why I can’t stand you.
6. I crushed my index finger helping my friend move her furniture. It’s been throbbing for hours. This is the most I’ve felt at home in my own body in months.
7. I want to throw up. I want everything to come out of me.
8. I’m terrified of the day you’ll come out of me."
"A healthy relationship is one where two independent people just make a deal that they will help make the other person the best version of themselves."
-Unknown (via thatkindofwoman)
"I held my grandfather’s hand as he took his last breath, and five minutes later I held my uncle (his son) as he took shuddering sobs in the hall. That was the first time I shouldered someone else’s sorrow.
When my best friend told me she had a brain aneurism and the doctor gave her six months to live, I hugged her as she stared out the window, tears streaming down her face.
‘Try to make it to my funeral, I’ll understand if you can’t.’
That was the first time I took my guilt and buried it. Stuffed it under my uncle’s sorrow and my best friend’s fear.
I never knew how to be someone’s rock, but after years and years of shouldering other people’s pain and ignoring my own, I became harder and harder. Stone by stone my wall became higher.
I can take your pain, but do not ask about mine. That’s buried far too deep and this wall is too high."
-Between A Rock And A Hard Place- Charlotte Geier
i will always be the person who went to the grocery store in cigarette-burned pajamas every day for five months